Tag: situationships

Special interest

I picked up a Cosmopolitan magazine that was laying around and read through about four articles. In between the articles were advertisements targeted to mostly young women I would assume in their teens to late twenties. Some articles referred to older women as “OGs” and young readers as “Newbies.” As this was my first time intently reading the magazine I was surprised at the amount of profanity used by the writers.

OK, I’m old. Maybe also lame. Maybe prudish but when I read something other than Fader, Vibe, Source or High Times magazine I don’t expect to read so much profanity. Terms such as OG I understand are taken from gangster culture in order to make reading seem cooler or at least as cool as the raunchy content on social media. All the profanity and acronyms show an attempt by the editors to gain the young crowd. Which understandably is where the money is, as the youth make up a large market.

Back to the ads and articles. I read a little big of Iggy Azaleas article, as I did enjoy her music and found it unjust how people treated her. Her article indicated that she wasn’t able to deal with the pressure of her fame and needed time to learn how to handle life(Justin Beiber recently said the same). She then went on to say she hopes to be with her current rapper boyfriend ten years from now and have some children, but marriage is not required. From a economic standpoint marriage is not in her favor(see Wendy Williams, Hallie Berry, Aisha Taylor). At her current net worth of only approximately 6 million, she doesn’t have much money to spare for an international celebrity. Her bf(7 years her junior) lyrics include the typical Cosmopolitan profanity with added, b*tch, thot, n-word, celebration of drug use and murder. Its art alright, right? So I don’t expect that 10 years of longevity. Hopefully the young ladies reading don’t believe they will have a happy Will & Jada happy(recently revealed not so happy) ending. Then again Will Smith prided himself on being the rapper who never used profanity, might explain the longevity of his marriage, go figure.

I went off track on Iggy as I like her material. So the articles were about legitimizing hookup culture, different sexual exploration and the ads were cosmetics and birth control. All those things go hand in hand. You get into a unsustainable relationship with a drug using bad boy, you get on birth control(as he will not take precaution), have eccentric sex, break up now you need makeup for your next date, that doesn’t work out so you have to buy another Cosmo for further instruction.

Ultimately Cosmo is out to help Cosmo and its advertisers generate more money. Buy more pills and makeup and Cosmo until you are so jaded and reach the age where you start to use empirical date from bad experiences.

If Cosmo’s intent was to help, they would give warnings that hookup culture will ultimately give you more depression because it is not sustainable. As progressive, liberated, empowered and tough you may believe you are, there is a point where you will interpret the hook-up situationship as exploiting on your side. There will be misunderstanding and without a structure or guidelines there is nothing to keep the situationship together. If there was then that would be a relationship.

I understand that we are in the information age and the on-demand age, etc. I get it, but we are still 75% water, carbon based creatures with some would say a spiritual being, and definitely a ego. Your ego if it is big enough to have sustained you to an autonomous adulthood will not allow you to stay in a situationship for long. I would say long is past 2 years. I am willing to retract that if I knew otherwise. I don’t believe there is enough data to dispute my claim as pride prevents people from sharing this info. We generally have a feeling hookup culture and situationships are on the rise but give me the numbers on a graph.

Cosmo is a corporation and a corporation’s number one responsibility is to make profit for their shareholders. The company is not a charity or a non profit. If profits can be generated from increasing entropy, from increasing loneliness, anxiety, depression, fear, then they will capitalize upon it. I repeatedly discuss friends who are bad influences. People who are bad influences, and from recent news we find that legally corporations are people. So we have to be mindful of the human people and the legal people we associate with.

Not a doctor or a magician

In the old Star Trek movies methinks from the 1970s, there was a doctor on the ship. When he was overwhelmed he would bark at the captain “I’m a doctor not a magician!” I think he meant that he was trained in medicine, not in giving people a superficial or illusion of a solution. Medicine requires a thorough assessment of a variety of variables. Many afflictions exhibit the symptoms of others and misdiagnosis could have no effect or even worsen the patients condition. A magician is also a highly trained profession but they are trying too fool your senses into believing something. That’s not a cure, its not even a ban aid. So a magician in effect uses a placebo placebo  for every case.

Anyhow, we are not magiacians or doctors. Maybe you are actually, but imagine you are not then, humor me. So now we all aren’t doctors or magicians yay.

You can’t fix anyone, unless they want to be and since you are not a trained psychologist, your fixing may not be sustainable. I like that word sustainable, very holistic. Therefore you are wasting your resources(time) if you believe you can change an adult who has been enjoying being who they are. Additionally your attempt to point out their flaws can be received by their ego as an attack. Feeling attacked they may retaliate and/or dig deeper into the behavior you tried to help them correct. Unless they themselves see the error and sincerely want to change your efforts are futile(another star trek reference.)

This is not giving up on the person, and don’t let them guilt trip you into feeling badly. They must be allowed to come to the realization themselves, as they rebuffed your attempt to point it out or you may not have the know how. Although it is difficult, you have to save yourself or they might take you down with them. People love to see a train wreck and the proof is in the prevalence of trashy reality shows, celebrity news and social media. If they are a wreck, your stability, freedom, discipline even health may be offensive to them and they would enjoy seeing you brought low.

A better title would be “Don’t be a martyr” but I feel I may have used that title elsewhere. Yeah we remember some of the high profile martyrs, Joan of Arc, Jesus, MLK, Che, etc. Their deaths changed things for millions of people. Are you going to martyr yourself for one person who does not recognize that they need to, or do they want to be saved? Your close friends and family might remember what you sacrificed for that person, but is it worth the los of you resource(time) that will never return. You may have strong feelings for them, but how long will those feeling s last under unsustainable conditions. Be a hero to yourself, be a doctor to yourself, don’t be a magician to yourself. Definitely don’t be a martyr for someone who isn’t worth it.