Tag: religion

Alien

Are we speaking the same language? Are we even from the same planet? Those are at times the questions we ask ourselves when we encounter people who we thought had an understanding of common sense. Ultimately we have to make a choice of whether we are going to be delusional and endure the frustration of constant miscommunication or move on.

In the world of science and technology there is always a reference point. A reference point allows you to measure distance, the level of completion of a chemical reaction and everything else you wish to quantify. Widely used references, I would call them standards. Standard is a bad word these days, similar to discipline, respect, responsibility. These words evoke feelings of embarrassment, insecurity, inadequacy and even patriarchy. Ultimately we set standards for ourselves in modern time as the old standards typically seem oppressive. This is unfortunate as they probably just need dusting off and remixing rather than a total dumping.

Parents, friends and social groups in general who truly want the best for you will encourage you to uphold and accept a standard from you romantic interest. People who do not care for you, wish you ill, or use you as gossip and entertainment will allow you to disrespect and destroy yourself.

Standards may be dictated by religion, geographic origin, and media/television/internet. Of course television and other media’s main goal is to get you to buy something. Putting you through multiple failed relationships gets you to spend more(We’ll explore that lengthy topic another time). Pop culture exhibited on television and subcultures that may not be so visible, put pressure on those living according to conventional/traditional standards. Pop culture causes FOMO(fear of missing out) but rarely shows the long term damage of unsustainable behaviors.

I somewhat strayed off topic, but I said all of that to indicate that some of us are living according to different standards. So different that it may seem we are speaking a different language. Having a guide may seem controlling but at times it is for your own protection. One can get so caught up in an alien way of things to the point they are lost. No longer what or who they thought they were.

Exploring other cultures is something you do on vacations or when reading a book or watching a film. It is not something you want to do with a life partner unless the tenets of that culture are in alignment with yours. It is not about xenophobia but about having a comfortable life where everyone understands what is expected of each other.

Photo Credit: https://flic.kr/p/77wKN

30% Ignored

If I told you 16% of the US population had no health insurance in 2007 would that number of people deserve attention? Politicians thought so and we are still discussing the uninsured now even though its been cut to under 9%. Now if I told you approximately 25% of the population of the US ceceeded causing the Civil War. Would you say that’s a significant number of people who deserved attention and consideration? Abraham Lincoln apparently believed those people needed some serious attention.

Recently I watched a documentary series in Netflix called “Explained.” They had an episode discussing monogamy and whether it was natural. The answer is no it is not natural and especially in the case of men. Additionally approximately 30% of people in a monogamous relationship want to see multiple people. For the majority I believe this episode states the obvious. If it was not obvious it hopefully helps some of those who invest so much into a person’s expected fidelity that news of their infidelity tears them apart.

The only person who we can know completely is our self. We owe it to ourselves to be honest to ourselves. It is difficult to be 100% honest or vulnerable as we may fear being chastised or punished by others. Honesty gets compromised when there is a selfless interest involved.

In a raw example. A person who falls into the 30% mentioned above may enjoy you physically but they may also welcome a endorphin release from a physical interaction with another person or other people. Their brain did not chemically reprogram when they met you. Social constructs dictated that they conform to an over fidelity. Therefore to avoid persecution they covertly engage in an endorphin release with someone else.

So in conclusion. If you expect your spouse to suppress their chemical and animal nature they must subscribe to a social, moral, religious, philosophical system that keeps them inline with your expectations. Without much thought  easily that would fall into the Judo-Christian religions. Still that is no guarantee, as we are aware of the many stories of infidelity and/or  sexual hypocrisy of the highest priests, pastors, preachers and deacons etc. It takes a lot of observation and studying to figure out if someone has a high or low probability of infidelity not just their overt morals. The takeaway from this discussion is not to invest your sanity in your partners fidelity. There’s a 1 in 3 chance they have a wondering eye.

 

 

Featured photo: https://www.flickr.com/photos/gageskidmore/23943126089

 

Satisfaction not guaranteed

Only recently I have been purchasing strawberries that are USDA organic non-gmo. They are always tasty compared to the strawberries I ate when I was a child and GMO and Organic were not in my vocabulary. The strawberries I remembered as a youth had not sweetness and I wondered why everyone raved about strawberries. I had a similar experience with watermelons. Nowadays the farmers seem to have found their mojo. They are consistently producing sweet fruits. They have it down to a science. Still once in a while I will purchase a box of strawberries usually the non-organic ones, and they will have no taste just as the ones of my childhood.

I am not a health nut, nor a organic, non-GMO cult member but I would prefer not to eat the pesticides if you may be so kind.

Looking at a strawberry for me conveyed no great enthusiasm due to my varied past regarding their taste. Satisfaction was not directly related to a strawberry in my brain. Similarly, sex does not equal satisfaction for most women. This makes it strange that there is a prevalence of hook-up culture in popular media. Maybe my social circle is prudish(not) but I think the media blows this population way out of proportion.

I don’t want to digress but I have a big issue with the way media trivialized the free love and women’s liberation movement of the 1970s. It wasn’t just about not wearing a bra, using drugs, and marijuana and concerts and sex. The majority of people were living conventional square lifestyles or at least pretending to do so. Also the youth of the 1907s were seeking to have a purpose, seeking spiritual awakening, greater understanding, intellectual growth, international scope.

I guess the sub-culture population practicing free love and drug use were inspired by the stories they heard of the roaring 1920s. 1920s, 1970s, 2020s and we are preparing the next group in 2070s.

Back to the topic though-again I despise apps. The hookup culture has no sustainable benefit. Why get all sweaty, dehydrated and mess up your hair for something that is not guaranteed. A better investment in my opinion is to consider a person as a whole and take the time to investigate all they have to offer. Sex is important(very) but sex is maybe I’m guessing 0.0001% of our time alive(totally unscientific). The rest of your time is spent sleeping, at work, eating, on your phone, using the bathroom, I guess.

You cant start a relationship with a hookup. Real life is not the movies. Real life is not a snapshot of a subgroup in the 1920s or 1970s. Real life is a mush longer story. So since sexual satisfaction is not guaranteed and sex is only part of 0.0001% of life, you have to connect on the other levels.

Eastern Promises

Divorce in the United States occurs at a rate of something like 44%. This is for a variety of reasons. As mentioned before in a previous post, relationships have to be reinforced by the community. As much as we consider ourselves as individuals and unique, we are products of our environment. Our environment in the US promotes in our media that we should have multiple partners before settling down and to utilize divorce if you are unhappy, or cheat if you want to find some compromise.

According to a 2015 Washington Post article, divorce among those in the Indian community is between 1% to 15%. Also according to a 1993 study by Pang Linlin the divorce rate in china is between 5% to 8%. This is because the culture of those countries in regards to relationships is to find one and make it work.

My first post on this site recommended that women find themselves a man that is not too intellectually capable. The above information throws that out the window when you go outside of the American pool of men. As is already evident via silicon valley Asian men(India and China) are more committed at rates of up to 11 times more than American men.

In conclusion, it would be wise to entertain more Asian men. Strangely a report produced by the dating site OKCipid showed that Asian men were on the undesirable end of the dating pool with Asian women. This is a mistake on the part of those women. This mistake can be capitalized upon by women all over the world who are subject to dealing with the promiscuity and infidelity of American, European and other Western cultured men.

In conclusion, and Asian man is a better partner in regards to commitment. Not discussed here they are also at the highest earners economically.

Modern vs Traditional

Marriage is a construct of religion. Also religion facilitates the oppression of women and antiquated gender roles. The fickle, on-demand and instant gratification culture that we currently live in, conflicts with long term commitment.

Religion relegates the following roles for women:
-Baby factory
-Housekeeper
-Exclusive child caregiver
-Exclusive elderly caregiver
-Sex doll(receiver only)
-Non factor in decision making
-No representation(non voter/owner)
-Modest
-Captive in the home

Still in our modern times, many wish to have the security of a marriage unfortunately originally based on a oppressive institution for women. Therefore some modifications have to be made if it is to garner you any happiness.

Either your marriage has to be external of religiosity, or it has to be based on a previously agreed customized or new-age social order. A belief system is required because people are kept in line by the collective’s values. If the collective group does not encourage or reinforce a certain belief system, it will not last. That is why couples that are married are encouraged to hang out with other married couples.

A man that is a fundamentalist in his cultural beliefs(religious or ethnic) will desire you to be in a submissive or sub-servient role(Unless he lives in the Aamzon). In such a role you loose power and influence aside from nagging, using guilt, crying etc. These methods can be effective in some cases but if you are an intellectual you may not wish to resort to such banal methods.

In conclusion there needs to be an agreed social order or religion or ethos in a relationship. Also that must be reinforced by associating with those of the same belief system. Too fundamentalist is oppressive and too liberal will not provide enough social pressure to keep him in the relationship. Love is great, but there are many other variables that keep a pair together.