Tag: relationshipgoals

Valentine’s PavLov(e)

I am writing this as valentines day approaches. I happened on a article in a magazine where a comedian wrote a serious(I believe it was serious) article about self-love and enjoying Valentines day by herself. In short, she took the day to pamper herself at the spa and take herself out. I thought this was genius. I also though it should be done more times than on Valentines Day.

Why do we put so much thought and energy into these dates? If you are religious then Valentines Day doesn’t show up on your calendar. If you are spiritual it may not show up on your calendar. If you are agnostic or atheist you tell me, I assume it doesn’t have any value either.

These dates such as Black Friday, Presidents Day, Valentines Day, Mothers Day, and Fathers Day have no religious, cultural or practical origin that I am aware of. They have evolved as ultimately drivers of the consumer based economy. I am not insulated from this as I spend(waste) oodles of hard earned dollars on sentimental gifts I could have used to pay own my debts.

In a materialistic/consumerist environment society pressures you and guilt trips you into compliance. The network of people around you have already drank the proverbial kool-aid and the are doing to make you a kool-aid drinker buy force if necessary. The echo chamber of indoctrination can be so loud and strong that we loose sight of the meaning and purpose behind the things we do. We are so afraid of being ostracized.

There’s a thing called the Pavlov’s Dog study. Google would explain it better than I, but in effect it shows how the mind can be programmed through acts of repetition. Not to be insulting but we function similarly to Pavlo’s dog.

This Valentine’s season and maybe going forward we should not be down on ourselves that things are not romantically where we would like. Instead we ca try to think about how we can be good to ourselves like the comedian in the magazine. Ultimately the depression we may feel is a result of programming.

Patiently working

There used to be an advertisement on television that said “Wait is a four letter word.” It was funny and indicated the fact that we don’t like to wait for anything we want. Just look at all of the ways we can order products and food and even home repairs these days. Things happen more rapidly than ever.

In the case of relationships you may be single and waiting to meet that special person. It may seem as if it is taking forever to get to happiness(I hope). Things seem to take longer when you are not busy and only focusing on waiting. So I suggest while you are waiting don’t patiently wait, patiently work towards your own self development and on creating a environment and self more suited to your liking.

Are we defined by the people we are in a relationship with? The answer to that is different for each person. When people speak of us do they speak of us as an accessory to our mate or are we our own person? When we get into a relationship do we cease to be an individual? Are we now just a soup of two people? That may be romantic to some of us.

I will not answer any of those musings but I will suggest that we keep moving forward and in that process meet the traveler that is on a congruent path.

 

Featured Image by: Skeeze https://pixabay.com/photos/construction-worker-building-job-642631/

Be somebody, be yourself.

It almost goes without saying. You can’t be reborn so your stuck. We just have to be ourselves. Still we can read many report on how people get depressed while browsing social media. At its core is their FOMO and false belief that the people they viewing are actually happier than they are in actuality.

If you think about it, people smile for pictures. When you get fired or dumped you don’t take a selfie of yourself crying. So we don’t get a complete view of a person’s life. We only get to see the part that they present to us. So to envy them is to envy that short second where they forced a smile for the picture, maybe only in hopes that people will like it to make them feel a little better.

Additionally many people believe that being in a relationship is a panacea. All their problems will be solved and they will be happy if they just meet that right person. Those who have recently found religion or converted or gotten “saved” are eventually taught that their new found system of belief requires work and at times more sacrifices than their previous life.

A relationship is work.

I gave that statement its own paragraph so that it would stand out. As its hard to believe this based on the endings of every ROMCOM, holiday cards, facebook, instagram and linked in post. A relationship or marriage is a commitment to work and stay in the organization irrespective of changing conditions. That means no escaping, only working.

I read many posts online on social media of women who strongly desire to be married. They are so focused on this goal that they do not take the time to develop themselves. The example I could give is imagine a younger Oprah who spent her time browsing social media, complaining how terrible men are, simultaneously being love sick and possibly having a on-off relationship with some guy who is really no good for her. So this theoretical younger Oprah never takes he time to look into herself and develop her talents and passions, never reaches the point of a millionaire, a philanthropist, and inspiration, a billionaire.

You don’d have to be in a relationship to be somebody. You are already someone very special, very important and full of unlimited potential. waiting on someone to give you legitimacy is a very dangerous approach. You maybe waiting until never or you could be easily deceived. Be yourself and be the best you that you can be, you deserve the best. Be you.

 

Featured image by: Wikipedia, Official White House Photo by Lawrence Jackson