Tag: relationship

Alien

Are we speaking the same language? Are we even from the same planet? Those are at times the questions we ask ourselves when we encounter people who we thought had an understanding of common sense. Ultimately we have to make a choice of whether we are going to be delusional and endure the frustration of constant miscommunication or move on.

In the world of science and technology there is always a reference point. A reference point allows you to measure distance, the level of completion of a chemical reaction and everything else you wish to quantify. Widely used references, I would call them standards. Standard is a bad word these days, similar to discipline, respect, responsibility. These words evoke feelings of embarrassment, insecurity, inadequacy and even patriarchy. Ultimately we set standards for ourselves in modern time as the old standards typically seem oppressive. This is unfortunate as they probably just need dusting off and remixing rather than a total dumping.

Parents, friends and social groups in general who truly want the best for you will encourage you to uphold and accept a standard from you romantic interest. People who do not care for you, wish you ill, or use you as gossip and entertainment will allow you to disrespect and destroy yourself.

Standards may be dictated by religion, geographic origin, and media/television/internet. Of course television and other media’s main goal is to get you to buy something. Putting you through multiple failed relationships gets you to spend more(We’ll explore that lengthy topic another time). Pop culture exhibited on television and subcultures that may not be so visible, put pressure on those living according to conventional/traditional standards. Pop culture causes FOMO(fear of missing out) but rarely shows the long term damage of unsustainable behaviors.

I somewhat strayed off topic, but I said all of that to indicate that some of us are living according to different standards. So different that it may seem we are speaking a different language. Having a guide may seem controlling but at times it is for your own protection. One can get so caught up in an alien way of things to the point they are lost. No longer what or who they thought they were.

Exploring other cultures is something you do on vacations or when reading a book or watching a film. It is not something you want to do with a life partner unless the tenets of that culture are in alignment with yours. It is not about xenophobia but about having a comfortable life where everyone understands what is expected of each other.

Photo Credit: https://flic.kr/p/77wKN

Valentine’s PavLov(e)

I am writing this as valentines day approaches. I happened on a article in a magazine where a comedian wrote a serious(I believe it was serious) article about self-love and enjoying Valentines day by herself. In short, she took the day to pamper herself at the spa and take herself out. I thought this was genius. I also though it should be done more times than on Valentines Day.

Why do we put so much thought and energy into these dates? If you are religious then Valentines Day doesn’t show up on your calendar. If you are spiritual it may not show up on your calendar. If you are agnostic or atheist you tell me, I assume it doesn’t have any value either.

These dates such as Black Friday, Presidents Day, Valentines Day, Mothers Day, and Fathers Day have no religious, cultural or practical origin that I am aware of. They have evolved as ultimately drivers of the consumer based economy. I am not insulated from this as I spend(waste) oodles of hard earned dollars on sentimental gifts I could have used to pay own my debts.

In a materialistic/consumerist environment society pressures you and guilt trips you into compliance. The network of people around you have already drank the proverbial kool-aid and the are doing to make you a kool-aid drinker buy force if necessary. The echo chamber of indoctrination can be so loud and strong that we loose sight of the meaning and purpose behind the things we do. We are so afraid of being ostracized.

There’s a thing called the Pavlov’s Dog study. Google would explain it better than I, but in effect it shows how the mind can be programmed through acts of repetition. Not to be insulting but we function similarly to Pavlo’s dog.

This Valentine’s season and maybe going forward we should not be down on ourselves that things are not romantically where we would like. Instead we ca try to think about how we can be good to ourselves like the comedian in the magazine. Ultimately the depression we may feel is a result of programming.

Forgive and journal

I have not been writing as much as I used to. I just about skipped a whole week of writing. Usually inspiration comes from the environment and from personal observation/experience. Although I have been inspired the subject matter would not relate to the blog. Specifically I have been researching holistic hair care and that is a whole culture within itself. Ultimately the sum total of holistic anything is you have to eat the right things and it takes longer to work than so calked conventional cosmetics or medicine, etc.

I’m using my phone to write this post and spellcheck is turned off so i will probably sound more illiterate than usual.

On the subject of forgiveness, someone probably said this but it is something that you give yourself. Whether you are forgiving another person or yourself, it is important to your healing process akin to a holistic cleanse. Cleanse sounds gross. Lets use the word exfoliation as I am now into holistic cosmetics.

You can’t beat yourself up because you made a mistake. You have to forgive yourself but also take note of what you dud incorrectly so you don’t repeat it more times than we like to admit.

Recently I picked up one of my favorite supplements at the supermarket and wondered why I had stopped using it. I went home and looked at the ingredients. It was because of one of my enemies the dreaded SUCRALOSE with its ties to cancer and disgusting aftertaste. This was a perfect example of not taking notes or making a journal of why I stopped using this product about 4 years ago.

Similarly we end relationships, and after an extended period of time forget the horrors that caused the break, including the warning signs at the beginning. So we end up missing the warning signs in a new or recycled love interest-then BAM you find out this person is filled with FAKE SUGAR. A bad taste is left as a reminder that you’re not taking enough notes or journaling.

Forgive yourself. No one is perfect and we are going to make mistakes as long as we live we just want to avoid repeating them and avoid making huge ones we can’t bounce back from. Avoiding hurried decisions is key in allowing sufficient mental resources to  become available to facilitate the right decision.