Tag: men

Eastern Promises

Divorce in the United States occurs at a rate of something like 44%. This is for a variety of reasons. As mentioned before in a previous post, relationships have to be reinforced by the community. As much as we consider ourselves as individuals and unique, we are products of our environment. Our environment in the US promotes in our media that we should have multiple partners before settling down and to utilize divorce if you are unhappy, or cheat if you want to find some compromise.

According to a 2015 Washington Post article, divorce among those in the Indian community is between 1% to 15%. Also according to a 1993 study by Pang Linlin the divorce rate in china is between 5% to 8%. This is because the culture of those countries in regards to relationships is to find one and make it work.

My first post on this site recommended that women find themselves a man that is not too intellectually capable. The above information throws that out the window when you go outside of the American pool of men. As is already evident via silicon valley Asian men(India and China) are more committed at rates of up to 11 times more than American men.

In conclusion, it would be wise to entertain more Asian men. Strangely a report produced by the dating site OKCipid showed that Asian men were on the undesirable end of the dating pool with Asian women. This is a mistake on the part of those women. This mistake can be capitalized upon by women all over the world who are subject to dealing with the promiscuity and infidelity of American, European and other Western cultured men.

In conclusion, and Asian man is a better partner in regards to commitment. Not discussed here they are also at the highest earners economically.

Change is gonna crumble

I can not say that I exercise proper writing technique. Especially in the area of filling a post with filler in order to delay the reader and increase my word count. Writers for actual commercial publications get compensated on the amount of words they can cram into an article. Fortunately for us all, WordPress is a free platform and unfortunately for me I am not being paid to write anything.

Now that that introductory paragraph has delayed you and made me appear as if I am building suspense here is the point I am going to present. Do not enter into a dating or serious relationship or marriage with the hope or intent that the person will change. Some people may make mild adjustments but not major changes. The rare event where people make major changes only occurs when a traumatic or tragic or humbling or embarrassing or horrifying event befalls them. Many people will remain the same even after a horrible event. So the event of you and the person becoming an item will not change them significantly. You have a choice to either accept them as they are or not to get involved with them at all.

Trying to change someone at a later date is deceptive on your part because you did not accept them as you found them. Your change or modification of expectations will come as shock to them and result in push-back or they will repress themselves for a time and eventually explode.

It is better to at the earliest stage determine whether you can accept the person as-is, just like a used car. With no warranties implied. People are not similar to our gadgets that we can change or upgrade. By the time a person is 13 years old they are pretty much on a trajectory they will barely veer from. So when you meet them in thier 20s or later your efforts to change them will result in dissapoitment.

Worst foot First

In some situations you may want to save the best for last, such as a meal or a marathon race where you want to pace yourself. In relationships the starting conditions and behaviors set a precedence for the future. So it is one situation where you would like to know the worst case scenario behavior of your love interest.

To be brief, if there are things that you want for the relationship, those things have to be established from the onset. There should be little or no deviation from the conditions that you believe will give you happiness.

Most people put their best forward by being disingenuous, deceptive and compromising of their true intentions. This does not work in the long term as that denial of self or facade is difficult to maintain. Many think that being their real selves will be a deterrent. This is incorrect thinking. Being oneself will attract only those who are in harmony with your plans and intentions. Be your true self from the beginning even if you believe it will deter the person you have interest in. If that is the case that person is not interested in you, only the fake person you are pretending to be.

In conclusion be yourself always and establish your expectations and desires from the beginning and be unwavering. Its not rude, its actually fair to all parties. Saves time and future regret.

Worrier stop worrying

Now, you may be worrying a lot about what your man is doing when not in your presence. If you have a mate with tattoos, dances well and is highly intelligent then unfortunately nothing I say here will ever give you peace of mind.

There are a lot of advantages to not being in love with or not being crazy about your mate. For example take a cliche gold-digger who in all appearances fawns over her man. She is always disconnected emotionally and that is how she always reaches her goals of extracting his resources. For the everyday woman not particularly seeking to exploit her mate’s financial resources but seeking a lifelong companion, it may be useful to be somewhat disconnected. Not cold but not in a position to be emotionally crushed/weakened by disappointment.

This serves multiple purposes. It allows you to remain goal oriented(if that’s your thing), protected from emotional breakdown, focused and relaxed. Most importantly it makes you always desirable as you are always just out of reach. Most men do not have emotional intelligence and will barely notice. As long as your detachment is not accompanied by harsh criticism, complaining and verbal abuse your man will believe your in the most perfect of relationships.

In conclusion it’s best to barely like they guy and not be gaa-gaa crazy over him. Being crazy about him will make you weak and unfocused.

Where NOT to find a man

I have been binge watching “Scam City” on Netflix. I fully enjoy films about manipulative and horrible people. We all deal with con artists every day on different levels.

One of the places that you definitely do not want to find a mate is on vacation. Not only because it may be a scam but also the person does not live in your geographic area and long distance relationships flat out do not work. So in addition to vacation spots I have compiled the following places:

Night Clubs
Bars
Workplace
Free dating apps
Facebook
Instagram
Snapchat
Anywhere between the hours of 10PM and 6AM
Carnivals(The raunchy kind)
Parades(See above)
Casinos
While they are with a group(even a group of only 2)

On the other end of the spectrum the following are good places to meet someone,  but not absolute, as some players have the discipline and patience to function efficiently in any environment. Here are the list of good places:

Libraries
Book fairs/clubs
Electronics Stores
Parks
National Monuments
Museums
Gardens
Catholic Church
Jewish Synagogue

Discernment has to be exercised at all times. Please refer to my post about the properties of a good man. Remember, no tattoos, cant dance, submits to authority(i should have had this in there), shy. If you want a mate remember you may have to make the first step in an inconspicuous way ofcourse.

Simple Simon

Simple Simon is a somewhat derogatory name given to someone viewed as having lower intelligence. See the movie Tropic Thunder for an exaggerated visual, in the character of Simple Jack. Or see Forrest Gump for a sightly less exaggerated visual.

One thing that was a recurring theme in the movie Forrest Gump was his devotion to Jenny. Jenny was damaged in almost every way possible but Forrest could never see her flaws. Aside from his what I would call autism, Forrest was hard working, moral, talented, super strong and kind. He may not have had the best social skills but the beauty of his goodness overshadowed his intellectual limitations and earned him the love, respect and recognition of the whole country. Jenny meanwhile found him very silly and missed out on the sustainable life she could have enjoyed with Forrest.

I reference the fictional movie to illustrate the recurring story of good girls attraction to bad guys. Due to Jenny’s attraction to bad guys she was abused, made a single mother, introduced to drugs and eventually killed by HIV/AIDS. Bad guys, while exciting at the end of the day cannot deviate from their nature.

To be brief we are all attracted to rebellious behavior and repulsed by discipline. Even when discipline will get us everything we want in a long term and sustainable way, we will throw it away due to short cited emotional decisions.

It is highly unlikely that you will find a Forest Gump. There are many men on the high functioning end of Autism that would make a great candidate for a partner. It would take a lot of skill to determine if their spectrum of autism will be tolerable. So I am going to propose some very crass and offensive(post 2017) qualities that will allow you to select a man that will be faithful, a provider and subject to your whims.

The list of qualities/attributes are as follows:
-Autistic
-Speech impediment
-Physical deformity or disability
-Deceased mother
-Never knew his mother
-Virgin
-High moral conviction
-No tattoos
-Cant dance
-Drinks beer but not mixed drinks
-Doesn’t question authority
-Patriotic
-Sports fan
-Shy
-Helpful
-Loves animals
-Plays fantasy sports
-Watches sports
-Cannot dress
-College graduate
-Degree in science
-Degree in mathematics
-Degree in physics
-Respects his parents
-Does not watch pornography(this may be impossible)

None of the above are absolutes. Also too many of these should not be combined or you would end up with a vegetable. The above man will most likely not be very physically fit due to the beers and staying at home but he is loyal and in for the long haul.

Each situation is different and it takes time to find out all of someone’s nuances. It also will be required for you to pursue him. He will be too timid/shy to pursue you.