Tag: depression

Is he using you for sex?

If you have to ask the above question you should assume that he is.

This is not to cause you to get angry and lash out emotionally. as your emotions are clouding your judgment to begin with. The correct response is to make him wait before having sex or if you have already had sex now you must evaluate what you seek from the relationship.

Physical programming causes most of us to want to have sex. It only lasts for a few minutes or seconds, but can create a mountain of problems.

Do not confuse great pleasure for love and do not expect to have the same response reciprocated.

If you have not yet had sex you are in the best position. Though it may seem archaic, and victiran to make him wait, it is for your own good. These old traditions were not put in place willy-nilly. So stay away from his willy. Spend quality time doing all the things you would do if there was no sexual energy. If he is easily irritable or ghosts you before reaching 4 months of dating and waiting, then his motivation was primarily physical programming or James Bond culture.

On the other hand if you just want to hook up, you have just wasted your time reading this. Just don’t expect to develop something greater. It is not impossible but he is more likely to maintain a relationship with you for the constant supply of sex and not for many other things. If you are just hooking up make yourself clear from the beginning. You should definitely know the person’s health status and exercise contraception via condoms and birth control in an extended understanding. you should also not keep your association with this person a secret totally as you want to know that you are safe and if anything happens to you, they can be found.

If you have had sex it puts you in a difficult place to now negotiate terms. Don’t feel bad its part of nature’s programming. watch a nature show for once. It will be difficult but not impossible. the first thing is to not delude yourself while not being cynical. Ask him what do you see in your future, does he see you being together for one, two, three, years, or forever? If the response is, I don’t know, or, lets see how it goes, or were just having fun, or were just getting…. Thats an indicator that there is no plan for longevity.  You can test him by saying it happened too fast and you want to wait, and not have sex again for months.  You also have a choice to end it there, right now. you may be waiting for a long term relationship that may never happen and you have just sex, food and events. How much time do you have to spend is what you should ask yourself. Do you want the same things is also an important question.

If you go back to my post on dating apps you will see that the world has changed. everything is on-demand. If you choose not to participate in the indiscipline of our current times then you yourself must be disciplined and read the signs that are clear without getting clouded by emotion or desire. Life can be hard but if you make the hard decisions for your benefit, it works out in your favor.

Change is gonna crumble

I can not say that I exercise proper writing technique. Especially in the area of filling a post with filler in order to delay the reader and increase my word count. Writers for actual commercial publications get compensated on the amount of words they can cram into an article. Fortunately for us all, WordPress is a free platform and unfortunately for me I am not being paid to write anything.

Now that that introductory paragraph has delayed you and made me appear as if I am building suspense here is the point I am going to present. Do not enter into a dating or serious relationship or marriage with the hope or intent that the person will change. Some people may make mild adjustments but not major changes. The rare event where people make major changes only occurs when a traumatic or tragic or humbling or embarrassing or horrifying event befalls them. Many people will remain the same even after a horrible event. So the event of you and the person becoming an item will not change them significantly. You have a choice to either accept them as they are or not to get involved with them at all.

Trying to change someone at a later date is deceptive on your part because you did not accept them as you found them. Your change or modification of expectations will come as shock to them and result in push-back or they will repress themselves for a time and eventually explode.

It is better to at the earliest stage determine whether you can accept the person as-is, just like a used car. With no warranties implied. People are not similar to our gadgets that we can change or upgrade. By the time a person is 13 years old they are pretty much on a trajectory they will barely veer from. So when you meet them in thier 20s or later your efforts to change them will result in dissapoitment.

Simple Simon

Simple Simon is a somewhat derogatory name given to someone viewed as having lower intelligence. See the movie Tropic Thunder for an exaggerated visual, in the character of Simple Jack. Or see Forrest Gump for a sightly less exaggerated visual.

One thing that was a recurring theme in the movie Forrest Gump was his devotion to Jenny. Jenny was damaged in almost every way possible but Forrest could never see her flaws. Aside from his what I would call autism, Forrest was hard working, moral, talented, super strong and kind. He may not have had the best social skills but the beauty of his goodness overshadowed his intellectual limitations and earned him the love, respect and recognition of the whole country. Jenny meanwhile found him very silly and missed out on the sustainable life she could have enjoyed with Forrest.

I reference the fictional movie to illustrate the recurring story of good girls attraction to bad guys. Due to Jenny’s attraction to bad guys she was abused, made a single mother, introduced to drugs and eventually killed by HIV/AIDS. Bad guys, while exciting at the end of the day cannot deviate from their nature.

To be brief we are all attracted to rebellious behavior and repulsed by discipline. Even when discipline will get us everything we want in a long term and sustainable way, we will throw it away due to short cited emotional decisions.

It is highly unlikely that you will find a Forest Gump. There are many men on the high functioning end of Autism that would make a great candidate for a partner. It would take a lot of skill to determine if their spectrum of autism will be tolerable. So I am going to propose some very crass and offensive(post 2017) qualities that will allow you to select a man that will be faithful, a provider and subject to your whims.

The list of qualities/attributes are as follows:
-Autistic
-Speech impediment
-Physical deformity or disability
-Deceased mother
-Never knew his mother
-Virgin
-High moral conviction
-No tattoos
-Cant dance
-Drinks beer but not mixed drinks
-Doesn’t question authority
-Patriotic
-Sports fan
-Shy
-Helpful
-Loves animals
-Plays fantasy sports
-Watches sports
-Cannot dress
-College graduate
-Degree in science
-Degree in mathematics
-Degree in physics
-Respects his parents
-Does not watch pornography(this may be impossible)

None of the above are absolutes. Also too many of these should not be combined or you would end up with a vegetable. The above man will most likely not be very physically fit due to the beers and staying at home but he is loyal and in for the long haul.

Each situation is different and it takes time to find out all of someone’s nuances. It also will be required for you to pursue him. He will be too timid/shy to pursue you.