Category: Uncategorized

Are you in a good place.

Responsibility can be a curse word at times. Adulting is not exactly what we expected during our childhood. Experiencing a sheltered childhood makes adulting more difficult than a unsheltered(difficult) one. In either instance, coming into ones own adds many variables that we now are responsible for.

Historically, religion, culture and social constructs have dictated to us on the ways we are to operate. Many of those antiquated traditional guidelines still provide us with a great autopilot/cruise control in some situations. In other situations, they are not effective because they have not been translated to modern environmental factors. Factors such as psychological advertising, marketing, social media hashtag trends, cable television, psychiatry, urban concrete jungles, fast food and legalized marijuana. Most importantly they are not translatable to the liberation of women, and women’s struggle for equality in our communities.

Stick a pin in the realization that some of the thousand your old traditions don’t work like a Swiss army knife. We can still find uses for, yoga, meditation, holistic medicine, and a few other practices that function independent of a patriarchy.

I am not a religious expert, and less than a novice but I would assume that the polytheistic and eastern religions provide more practical uses than the big three(Christianity, Judaism, Islam).

As English is the worldwide language of business, along with that, Christianity(and the big three) is/are the basis of word religion. Directly that means patriarchy is the dominant culture worldwide.  Duuhhh right?

Midway conclusion is that our old tried and true religions are not always fit for our present dilemas. For the purpose of this blog in our modern courtship rituals they are mostly innefective. Yoga pants will get you attention but not necessarily sustainable attention. Nor do I belive there were such things as yoga pants 2000 years ago.

The question of whether you are in a good place is tied to your living conditions, diet, health, comfort, sleep, state of mind, career, debt, etc. Don’t get overwhelmed. We have to wear many hats to get what we need out of life.

Dating or being in a relation ship with another person now increases that responsibility to keep it all together. Therefore it is ill advised to start either while you are unprepared in your solitary situation.

We at times seek to escape out difficult circumstances using entertainment, vacations, medication, sex, food and you name it. But those just temporarily suppress symptoms. What is needed is actual solutions, actual cures, actual change to eliminate the need to escape or tolerate a poor quality of life.

Some examples would be, a financial advisor, a physical trainer, a psychologist, a nutritionist, a headhunter, even a real estate agent. People that can set you in the direction of self sustainability.

As my scope of work is in meeting the right person and not theology, yoga, nutrition, physical training, etc. I will conclude by saying that it is most important to take your time to have peace with yourself before hitching on to someone else’s wagon. That wagon may come with its own baggage, and being well will allow you to avoid or if you choose handle their baggage. Hopefully the former.

Love for likes.

This post should really be titled “Fake love for likes” but that is too wordy and not so catchy.

Society influences us to participate in rituals and activities that are not the most practical at times. For example, why would you pay $4 for a beer in a bar when you could buy a 6-pack for the price of around $11? That is just one silly example. A more serious example are the various holidays and religious practices.

Religion and ancient culture is not so much the discussion here. The discussion here is social media. As many of us live alone and are interacting with such a large variety of cultures and beliefs that we eventually subscribe to the larger secular group think and culture.

Isolated we have to interact via social media. We seek approval and get our social order from social media. Unfortunately, we end up doing things like the fire challenge and end up in the hospital. While the fire challenge is a burn that may cause pain for a few weeks, getting into or staying in a bad relationship for popular approval may cause a lifetime of suffering. The short term praise gained by taking pictures together, and showing how happy you are in pictures is a shot of dopamine but wasting your life, living for the approval of others can make you say dope(Homer Simpson voice) every morning you wake up.

Its worth it to take a minute to think whether you are doing things to gain social approval or genuine long term and sustainable peace.

 

Is he using you for sex?

If you have to ask the above question you should assume that he is.

This is not to cause you to get angry and lash out emotionally. as your emotions are clouding your judgment to begin with. The correct response is to make him wait before having sex or if you have already had sex now you must evaluate what you seek from the relationship.

Physical programming causes most of us to want to have sex. It only lasts for a few minutes or seconds, but can create a mountain of problems.

Do not confuse great pleasure for love and do not expect to have the same response reciprocated.

If you have not yet had sex you are in the best position. Though it may seem archaic, and victiran to make him wait, it is for your own good. These old traditions were not put in place willy-nilly. So stay away from his willy. Spend quality time doing all the things you would do if there was no sexual energy. If he is easily irritable or ghosts you before reaching 4 months of dating and waiting, then his motivation was primarily physical programming or James Bond culture.

On the other hand if you just want to hook up, you have just wasted your time reading this. Just don’t expect to develop something greater. It is not impossible but he is more likely to maintain a relationship with you for the constant supply of sex and not for many other things. If you are just hooking up make yourself clear from the beginning. You should definitely know the person’s health status and exercise contraception via condoms and birth control in an extended understanding. you should also not keep your association with this person a secret totally as you want to know that you are safe and if anything happens to you, they can be found.

If you have had sex it puts you in a difficult place to now negotiate terms. Don’t feel bad its part of nature’s programming. watch a nature show for once. It will be difficult but not impossible. the first thing is to not delude yourself while not being cynical. Ask him what do you see in your future, does he see you being together for one, two, three, years, or forever? If the response is, I don’t know, or, lets see how it goes, or were just having fun, or were just getting…. Thats an indicator that there is no plan for longevity.  You can test him by saying it happened too fast and you want to wait, and not have sex again for months.  You also have a choice to end it there, right now. you may be waiting for a long term relationship that may never happen and you have just sex, food and events. How much time do you have to spend is what you should ask yourself. Do you want the same things is also an important question.

If you go back to my post on dating apps you will see that the world has changed. everything is on-demand. If you choose not to participate in the indiscipline of our current times then you yourself must be disciplined and read the signs that are clear without getting clouded by emotion or desire. Life can be hard but if you make the hard decisions for your benefit, it works out in your favor.

Eastern Promises

Divorce in the United States occurs at a rate of something like 44%. This is for a variety of reasons. As mentioned before in a previous post, relationships have to be reinforced by the community. As much as we consider ourselves as individuals and unique, we are products of our environment. Our environment in the US promotes in our media that we should have multiple partners before settling down and to utilize divorce if you are unhappy, or cheat if you want to find some compromise.

According to a 2015 Washington Post article, divorce among those in the Indian community is between 1% to 15%. Also according to a 1993 study by Pang Linlin the divorce rate in china is between 5% to 8%. This is because the culture of those countries in regards to relationships is to find one and make it work.

My first post on this site recommended that women find themselves a man that is not too intellectually capable. The above information throws that out the window when you go outside of the American pool of men. As is already evident via silicon valley Asian men(India and China) are more committed at rates of up to 11 times more than American men.

In conclusion, it would be wise to entertain more Asian men. Strangely a report produced by the dating site OKCipid showed that Asian men were on the undesirable end of the dating pool with Asian women. This is a mistake on the part of those women. This mistake can be capitalized upon by women all over the world who are subject to dealing with the promiscuity and infidelity of American, European and other Western cultured men.

In conclusion, and Asian man is a better partner in regards to commitment. Not discussed here they are also at the highest earners economically.

Change is gonna crumble

I can not say that I exercise proper writing technique. Especially in the area of filling a post with filler in order to delay the reader and increase my word count. Writers for actual commercial publications get compensated on the amount of words they can cram into an article. Fortunately for us all, WordPress is a free platform and unfortunately for me I am not being paid to write anything.

Now that that introductory paragraph has delayed you and made me appear as if I am building suspense here is the point I am going to present. Do not enter into a dating or serious relationship or marriage with the hope or intent that the person will change. Some people may make mild adjustments but not major changes. The rare event where people make major changes only occurs when a traumatic or tragic or humbling or embarrassing or horrifying event befalls them. Many people will remain the same even after a horrible event. So the event of you and the person becoming an item will not change them significantly. You have a choice to either accept them as they are or not to get involved with them at all.

Trying to change someone at a later date is deceptive on your part because you did not accept them as you found them. Your change or modification of expectations will come as shock to them and result in push-back or they will repress themselves for a time and eventually explode.

It is better to at the earliest stage determine whether you can accept the person as-is, just like a used car. With no warranties implied. People are not similar to our gadgets that we can change or upgrade. By the time a person is 13 years old they are pretty much on a trajectory they will barely veer from. So when you meet them in thier 20s or later your efforts to change them will result in dissapoitment.