Simple Simon

Simple Simon is a somewhat derogatory name given to someone viewed as having lower intelligence. See the movie Tropic Thunder for an exaggerated visual, in the character of Simple Jack. Or see Forrest Gump for a sightly less exaggerated visual.

One thing that was a recurring theme in the movie Forrest Gump was his devotion to Jenny. Jenny was damaged in almost every way possible but Forrest could never see her flaws. Aside from his what I would call autism, Forrest was hard working, moral, talented, super strong and kind. He may not have had the best social skills but the beauty of his goodness overshadowed his intellectual limitations and earned him the love, respect and recognition of the whole country. Jenny meanwhile found him very silly and missed out on the sustainable life she could have enjoyed with Forrest.

I reference the fictional movie to illustrate the recurring story of good girls attraction to bad guys. Due to Jenny’s attraction to bad guys she was abused, made a single mother, introduced to drugs and eventually killed by HIV/AIDS. Bad guys, while exciting at the end of the day cannot deviate from their nature.

To be brief we are all attracted to rebellious behavior and repulsed by discipline. Even when discipline will get us everything we want in a long term and sustainable way, we will throw it away due to short cited emotional decisions.

It is highly unlikely that you will find a Forest Gump. There are many men on the high functioning end of Autism that would make a great candidate for a partner. It would take a lot of skill to determine if their spectrum of autism will be tolerable. So I am going to propose some very crass and offensive(post 2017) qualities that will allow you to select a man that will be faithful, a provider and subject to your whims.

The list of qualities/attributes are as follows:
-Autistic
-Speech impediment
-Physical deformity or disability
-Deceased mother
-Never knew his mother
-Virgin
-High moral conviction
-No tattoos
-Cant dance
-Drinks beer but not mixed drinks
-Doesn’t question authority
-Patriotic
-Sports fan
-Shy
-Helpful
-Loves animals
-Plays fantasy sports
-Watches sports
-Cannot dress
-College graduate
-Degree in science
-Degree in mathematics
-Degree in physics
-Respects his parents
-Does not watch pornography(this may be impossible)

None of the above are absolutes. Also too many of these should not be combined or you would end up with a vegetable. The above man will most likely not be very physically fit due to the beers and staying at home but he is loyal and in for the long haul.

Each situation is different and it takes time to find out all of someone’s nuances. It also will be required for you to pursue him. He will be too timid/shy to pursue you.